I Am

FullSizeRender-3

“I took a deep breath and listened to the old brag of my heart. I am, I am, I am.”
― Sylvia PlathThe Bell Jar

Working on my self portrait for my creativity class, I decided to use this quote from The Bell Jar, by Sylvia Plath. The words, reflected in my glasses, are a reflection of the tenacity of the spirit.
“I Am.”
Many may wonder why I used these words as a representation of myself.

Sylvia’s thinly-veiled autobiographical story of her own coming of age factored as a large inspiration to me when I was a young woman. I found so many things in those pages that moved me; validating the things I felt, and helping me to identify the nature of what I came to understand later as my own depression.
Her words were very real. An unapologetic voice into a world that, at the time, kept the depression of young people tucked away in quiet hospitals masked as places to “get some rest”.
I needed to hear that voice at that time. It was a time of confusion, anger, angst, and sadness. I found the truest refuge from pain in words and books, and they helped me faced the demons I struggled with from day to day. Without the outlet of reading and writing, of art and photography, I may have found the demons much harder to face.

Reflecting on who I was, and how it shaped who I have become, I came to the quote above, and decided to included it with my painting. The heartbeat that moves me ever forwards, through dark nights of the soul, and even days of melancholy, will always echo, “I Am”.

Your Mad Girls Love Song
brought me to
my knees.
A young poet
so strikingly similar
in sentiment,
so very Honest
in the way
you represent
pain.
The very
emptiness
of youth’s
depression;
you were never afraid
to show it’s grey shadow,
to speak
with a teenager’s
cynicism
about the
horrors
of the world around you.
I grasped at
the poems
and pages
like lifelines in my
own solitude.
You made it real
and vanquished it
with steel-tipped prose.

~JL©

 

6 thoughts on “I Am

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s