“There’s a time for departure even when there’s no certain place to go.”
― Tennesee Williams
Tag: Fear
Changes
When remaining the same
is no longer an option,
and the fear of stagnation
overcomes the fear of the unknown,
You Change.
~JL©2015
I Needed a Doctor
“He’s like fire and ice and rage. He’s like the night, and the storm in the heart of the sun. He’s ancient and forever. He burns at the center of time and he can see the turn of the universe. And… he’s wonderful.”
-Paul Cornell, The Family of Blood, Doctor Who, S3 E9
The other day, in a time of sadness, I found I needed to believe in magic again. I needed to find the child inside of myself that remembered the truth of Myth.
The world overwhelms me, tips me off the thin line of balance into darker places. I don’t judge these places; they have their purpose on this path. But I fell hard and fast, head first into the dark, and I needed a guide.
We all have our heroes. We all find solace or strength in symbols outside of ourselves. It’s not really magic. It’s not even really faith. It’s the power of myth, and the strength we all have to create our universe. It’s the work of the poets and the dreamers, the storytellers and the wise ones.
Stories help me realign myself. They allow me to take myself out of my own teeming brain to observe from the heart. It could be a good book, a tale told, or, in this case, an hour-long episode of a story about a being with two hearts who can’t help but save the human race every time we are hurtling toward disaster. Perfect.
My hero, that day, was the man in the blue box.
The stories of the Doctor have been charming us, teaching us, and healing us for over 50 years. There is an alchemy to these tales, transforming separateness into compassion. They are sometimes sad, scary, or touching, but always they are honest and from the heart.
Finding myself in a place of fear, I am reminded that fear is a natural reaction to change. In truth, we are always in flux, forever changing. In these darker moments, we have the gift of one another. We have our fierce will, our resilience, and our dreaming hearts. We can walk through the shadowed valley because we have the power within these hearts to overcome our fears.
My own heart beats steadily, animated by the thousands of stories I hold deep within its chambers. It moves me back into a place of balance, where I can be strong again for myself, and the people I love. It generates a hope that has me looking to the stars for the tiny light in the darkness.
As the Doctor tells us, “My experience is that there is, you know, surprisingly, always hope.”
Are you alone
and waiting?
Does the night
sit quietly beside you?
In your dreams,
did the star man
promise to return?
He may be
a little lost,
but he is coming.
You may wait
for oh so long,
but he’s your
greatest hope.
The universe
is vast
and perilous,
but the
madman in his box
is actually
looking for you.
Don’t give up hope.
Don’t put away
your childish things.
Even stories
have ways
to save us
in the end.
~JL©2015
Fearlessness
“I’ve been absolutely terrified every moment of my life and I’ve never let it keep me from doing a single thing that I wanted to do.”
Fearlessness is never about being unafraid, it is about moving forward into the scary places, despite the fear.
When I first started really studying the work of O’Keeffe, I was drawn to the beauty of her desert landscapes. The openness of the skies, the amazing textures and colors, it all seemed like an alien world in comparison to my own.
I wanted to see those skies.
And so, years later, I went ahead and finally planned my own trip. Now, keep in mind, this was my first time on a plane, my first time this far from home, and my first time taking a trip without anyone else close by me.
I was never more frightened.
And I never felt so alive.
Touching down in Albuquerque for the first time, was an experience I can not describe. I was exhilarated and completely alone. I was stepping so far outside of my own boundaries that I felt someone might try and stop me.
But no one ever did.
And I never stopped feeling the desire to leave the confines of my own safety net, despite my constant fear of the unknown. You see, I am a creature of habit and comfort. I love my little Hobbit hole and it’s safety. Like Bilbo Baggins, I would insist that, “I have no use for adventures. Nasty, disturbing, and uncomfortable things.” BUT, when I decide to push beyond the those ideas of being uncomfortable and disturbed, I find my place of fearlessness.
For me, travel, and exploring new places has become my way of growing past the confines I’ve built around myself. I want to always push myself further, and touch upon the places that are difficult for me to be at ease. This does not mean I want to search out that which is harmful, but instead I want to continue to find the unknown places inside of my heart that I have yet to enter.
She was so warm
by the fire,
tea cup in hand
and a book upon her lap.
Somewhere
she heard the howl
of a wolf,
or perhaps a dragon,
and she shivered
with fear and…
delight?
What was that sound?
Surely, she must find out!
What good is waiting here
to be consumed
when she can open the door
and look the predator
square in the eye?
Throwing on
her warmest coat
and shouldering
her bag of tricks,
she headed out
searching
for the howl she still heard.
Crossing the threshold,
it was so loud in her ears.
And every step
into the unknown
brought the shiver
she thought was
healthy fear.
But as her journey continued,
and many adventures
were had,
she found moving
towards the howling
made it fade
into a purr.
And the wolf,
or dragon,
that moved her soul
out of her front door,
lived within
her very brave heart.
~JL
Post Script: Dearest Readers, if you have a place that delights you, and you think I would like to visit, please share it with me! I intend to make this life a living, breathing adventure! I am open to stories and suggestions. You can comment here, or email me at darklinglisten72@gmail.com
Thank you for visiting this page. May your life be full of joy!
Fear and Courage
Galadriel: Mithrandir, why the Halfling?
Gandalf: I do not know. Saruman believes that it is only great power that can hold evil in check. But that it is not what I’ve found. I’ve found it is the small things, every act of normal folk that keeps the darkness of at bay — simple acts of kindness and love. Why Bilbo Baggins? Perhaps it is because I am afraid, and he gives me courage.
~The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
We live in a world that conjures up fears and weakens us with the illusions of control. Trying to hold the reins and have command over every aspect of every moment, leaves us bereft and at odds with the places where we lose control.
In the dead of the night, when we turn off the distractions, we feel the fears descend upon us; the fear that we are not in control. And our hearts race, and sleep becomes a place we cannot reach. Our very heartbeat becomes the monster in our heads, and we lose our peace.
It is in these moments that we must learn to reflect on the beauty of our lives. Are we fortunate enough to have a roof over our heads? Do we have a friend or companion on this journey? Did the sun shine warm upon your face for moment today? And was the book you finished a doorway to a world that lit up your soul?
I will share an email I wrote to an estranged friend who reached out to me because she was having panic attacks at night. To her I said,
You have a beautiful life, despite the chaos, aside from the upset.
At night, list all the things your are grateful for…even if it’s as simple as being happy for the color of the sky during the sunset. And use those things to calm you. If Deva Premal’s songs don’t do it for you, maybe Florence and the Machine will. If chants in Sanskrit don’t work, then recite, ‘“Space, the Final Frontier…..”
And in that place of reflection, remember: a solution will always present itself, in it’s time. While you’re waiting, keep working toward it. Keep loving life. Keep on keepin’ on.
Because that’s what banishes the monster. That’s what slays the dragon.
You see, keep your heart open, even as it races. Be brave and loving no matter how small you feel in the face of the unknown. Because those simple acts of kindness and love are what keep you on your path and lead you to the end of your journeys.
I love all of you. Let’s be each other’s source of courage and hope.
~JL©2015
~JL©2015
The Lion's Share 